TOXIC!

I’m lying on the floor in the dark, the cold tile and shards of glass clinging to my sweaty skin. My eyes feel heavy and I can’t see at all through the left one. I stare blankly

at the ceiling with my half good right eye and mentally try to estimate the damage; my ribs hurt like hell, maybe a few are broken, wouldn’t be the first time, I can’t seem to be able to move any part of my body at all and my head is throbbing like a bitch. I can hear Tamuno’s heavy breathing somewhere in the room, the smell of alcohol is still present in the room like a thick cloud. I’m not worried, I know my darling husband will soon awake from his stupor and help me up crying and gushing apologies.  he would take care of me then, so very tenderly, and we would both end up in tears, we are so in love, me and my darling. True he beats me sometimes. Fine,a lot of times, yes he’s the reason I’m lying on the floor now with bruises in places I don’t know ,but I know he loves me, really he does. I’m just really silly and clumsy and annoying so he has to set me straight sometimes. People just don’t seem to understand.

You see I met my husband at the weirdest place, a mathematics/ physics contest ( yes I know, geek fest). I was an ace mathematics 300 level student representing my school and he was a final year physics student representing his. It was a geeks romance with us. He seemed out of place at the venue, he was so handsome and tall and well dressed, I suspected he had lost his way and I told him exactly that when he came up to me to start a conversation. We didn’t have much time for chatter because our brains were preoccupied with theories and calculations. We exchanged numbers and he promised to call. I really didn’t expect him to call, I’m not exactly Angelina Jolie, I’m rather plain, and I was bothering on ugly then because I didn’t much care for how I looked. He did call as a matter of fact, and this is us six years on.

Tamuno had hit me a few times while we were dating, he is a really jealous person my husband, I don’t know why he should be though, I don’t think any other man is really attracted to me, I’m pretty plain. It’s not like I could even be attracted to anyone else either, Tamuno has always been the full package, handsome, smart, romantic, we both got good jobs after school; he at an oil company and me at a prestigious auditing firm (yes I know, I did not graduate with a degree in accountancy) so money is not a problem to us. He’s perfect, just the jealousy and hot temper. I had quit my job a year ago, Tamuno was not particularly excited about my male colleagues and it had caused many a fight ( well he yelling and me cowering away from his raised fists kinda fight) so I had quit to make him happy. That hadn’t made him happy, he said I was under-utilizing my potential ( he’s pretty sweet when we are not fighting you see). He has always believed in me and that’s another reason I love him, so I decided to start something of my own so I can work from home, I’m still working on that. I’ll do anything to make him happy.

I’m doing it again, letting my mind jump around memories and thoughts. It is how I get through days like these, when he comes back drunk and beats me at the slightest provocation ( he recently picked up drinking though it’s not so frequent yet). Today’s offense?  My kid sister who has been married for less than two years just had a baby and she posted a video of the baby on instagram and her husband was making silly comments at the background. My husband had walked into the room, heard a male voice and bam, accusations started flying, my phone joined in the flight and the final arrival, his fists. I had tried to keep the small glass table between  us but somehow I ended up being thrown on top of it and shattering it. So I’m lying there, partly because I can’t seem to move and partly so I don’t wake my husband up. Soon he’ll come back to his senses and nurse me back to health so very lovingly, these were usually the best times.

My sister of course does not approve. She’s the feminist, the voice against ‘domestic violence’. But what does she know about these things,  she’s just a kid herself. We both got married pretty early, me three years ago straight out of service, I was twenty one and Tamuno twenty three then, we were so in love, we still are. My sister thinks I’m crazy staying with him through the battering, she doesn’t understand that he only gets jealous because he’s so crazy about me, unlike her sissy husband who basically let’s her make all the decisions. I know my Tamuno would never cheat on me, he’s too principled and I’m the only woman he sees, so it hurts him when he thinks I’ll break his heart; that’s what he tells me whenever he comes out of his violent spells. We don’t have children yet, we’ve been trying but my womb can’t seem to be able to hold a baby for more than seven weeks. I hate the look of betrayal on Tamuno’s face whenever we loose a baby, so I stopped telling him after the third one. It’s been five now.

I’m so tired, somewhere along my journey through memory lane the pain had stopped. I wonder when that had happened. Good then, I can’t feel anything, except tiredness, no, exhaustion. I just want to sleep, my darling will wake me up and take care of me when he comes out of his stupor, I’ll just sleep and wait, he’ll wake me up.

So she gave in to the exhaustion,

And never woke up.