DEAD AGAIN

He just sat there spitting lies. A lot of them. Why was he lying? Was he trying to impress her? Trying to prove a point? She knew the end game, It was always the same.

He wanted to get into her pants. Maybe he knew it and was just a manipulative bastard like some, or maybe he was like the others, who didn’t know that that was what they wanted until they got it, then suddenly they would be busy,  There wouldn’t be need for the extra credit, they wouldn’t have to go out of their way to impress her or say things she wanted to hear. She couldn’t quite say under what particular category he fell, who could tell really. They all looked the same.

It always started the same way. The meet, he would be all funny and sweet. They would have a lot in common, cool guy, he would be very interested , show a lot of promise, exchange numbers.

Stage two, the follow up; he would call her as often as he could. It would seem he always craved her company, go out of his way to make it happen. They would follow each other on every social media platform. He would act erratic, be impulsive, like he was falling head over heels, but he wouldn’t quite say, he would let the tension build.

Stage three, sexual innuendos would begin to find their way into their conversations, he would suddenly become more romantic, he would make her blush, shower her with gifts and flattery, a touch  on her cheek, his fingers brushing her hair away from her face, gaze held  a little longer, wavering from eyes to lips and back, holding her hands at the slightest excuse. Butterflies in her tummy. Then the kiss, and then the invitation to his house, their first sex……. And then it would go downhill from there. The fire that once burned so bright would die. Sometimes  efforts would be made to rekindle the dying flames, but never enough, never with as much diabolic gusto as the chase. It always ended the same, even though some took longer than the others.

“I love you, I really do. Don’t know how it happened or why, but I’ve fallen for you. I know you’ve been hurt and all, but you shouldn’t make me pay for his mistakes” he shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was dramatic this one. She smiled wearily. He even added special effects.

They were in his car. It was 11pm. They had been sitting there for over three hours. At first they had just been talking and laughing like they usually did. At some point they had tilted the sits backward so they were practically lying down, their legs on the dashboard. It was all well and good until he had tried to kiss her. She had refused, hence his almost thirty minutes long emotional outburst. She had barely said anything throughout.

“Please Lara, at least say something” his eyes were still shut, like he couldn’t bare to look at her. He was trying to paint a picture of someone who had bared his soul and was standing naked and ashamed. But it was all a lie. As usual. Maybe he knew, maybe he didn’t, she couldn’t tell.

It was inevitable. She liked him, enjoyed his company, even craved it but they had crossed that line and they couldn’t go back. This could take about three different turns, she could say no, he would persist for a time but if he realised it was a lost cause he would slowly become someone she used to know;or she could say yes, they would make out, have sex in a week or two and he would be gone in a month or two, maybe less; or she could say yes, postpone the sex for as long as possible, but he would still leave eventually, when it did happen, it didn’t matter how long she held out, it always ended the same.

She took a deep breath, better now than later. She reached over to his chair where his tall frame stretched, eyes shut, and she kissed him, softly first, then he responded with so much longing her eyes stung. There was a lump in her throat, this was it, the beginning of the end. She sat astride him on the car sit and let his hands roam freely over her body, theirs was a feverish lovemaking, there in his car, laced with months of longing, because she had held out. Somewhere along the line a tear made a premature journey from her eyes to her bossom, but he barely noticed, he was busy taking as much of her as he could get.

“I love you” he said as he dropped her in front of her house forty five minutes later “never doubt that”.  Against her better judgement her heart skipped a beat, the treacherous butterflies in her tummy danced to the beat”.

“I love you too” she said and walked into her  house. She had left him stunned. She had never said that to him before even though he had said it countless times. She had just defied one of her greater principles, to not use those words unless she was sure she meant it. There was no clap of thunder, no earthquake, time didn’t stop, she could still hear the clock in her house ticking. She had lied, outrightly, like he had, just so he would shut up and let her go to bed in peace. She peeled of her clothes in disgust, got into the shower and burst into fits of dry sobs as she felt a piece of her soul wither and die.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They hadn’t spoken in three weeks. He had come a week after that episode, but she was on her period so he couldn’t get what he wanted. After then his calling reduced, he always had something to do, he had to  make time for other things he said whenever she complained. She had known it would happen but there was a strand of hope that wished she was wrong. This time she didn’t try to fan the flame back to life. She just watched with disinterest as the final glow of the embers died and the wind carried the ashes away with what was left of her soul.

...................................................................................................................................................................

Before he left she had had a kind of dancing eyes that looked like they were constantly looking for an excuse to laugh. Her lips always seemed like it was beginning a smile. She was the most gay, hyperactive person he had ever had the pleasure of coming across, she'd always boasted that there was nothing in the entire universe that could change that about her. He wondered what had happened to her in the past three years he was away. They had been the closest of friends before he left the country for his masters and had gotten a job. He had been in love with her then, he still was. two days before he had left she'd begged him to take the virginity she'd been saving for 22 years because she had had a near rape experience and didn't think it was worth saving anymore. Of course he had declined, not that he hadn't wanted to, but he had wanted her to want him, to give him because she wanted to, not because she had felt circumstances required her to. Somehow they had lost contact over the years but he had come back, mainly for her;although the person who had just left, leaving an icy feeling behind, didn't seem like the ray of sunshine he had known. She had been cryptic, sarcastic, and had looked at him through those hooded eyes that seemed laden with distrust. She seemed to be wrapped in a shroud of cynicism. Whatever had happened to her, he hoped he would be able to fix it, and he most certainly hoped that this time she would be able to see him, with hands he had been holding outstretched to her for years.