ADVENTURES OF OVIE EPISODE 5

If you missed episode 1, click HERE

If you missed episode 2, click HERE

If you missed episode 3, click HERE

If you missed episode 4, click HERE

Hearing Rukevwe talk, I just knew I had failed once again. This was my 4^th trial guys. Perhaps I’m just cursed.

PAPA: Are you saying that this block-head Ovie has failed again?

NERO: Papa, why you dey talk like sey you shock? See, make Bros Ovie no vex but University no be for everybody

RUKEVWE: Make una helep me tell Ovie oh.

Rukevwe starts laughing while papa looks on in bewilderment

PAPA: Just hand me the result, I need to see it myself.

RUKEVWE: Papa, see no just give yourself hypertension. Ovie no get any future for university this year. Infact, the school pluralise the guy ‘fail’

PAPA: What do you even mean?

RUKEVWE: Shey inside English Language, una say if something dun too much, make we put ‘s’ for the back.

PAPA: Youngman, I am presently lost at sea even while in my house all because of you.

Laughter from my mum, Rukevwe and Nero filled the entire room but I was too lost in thoughts to join them.

MAMA: Roko, Roko, so because your pikin fail exam, you dun ready to turn your full house to ocean make you for take hide inside.

NERO: Papa, e better make you just go hide inside that G.P. tank for up.

RUKEVWE: Nero just leave paleh. You no know sey retired army men dey always prefer to sleep under ocean based on sey na so so war the men dun fight.

PAPA: The nonsensical command of the alphabets of our colonial masters that you people metamorphosed into pidgin English and now decided to blurt out some erroneous misconceptions from your buccal cavity leave me dumbfounded. Infact, I am at a loss for words as to how I co-habit with all of you. So you mean you people do not know that for a man to be lost at sea, it simply means the man is confused? God help this generation

MAMA: Roko you no go kee person. Na Ovie failure activate all this big big grammer so.

NERO: Papa you fit help Ovie write the exam next year.

MAMA: If na so my English be Roko, you for pay times 2 of the bride-price wey you pay.

Papa laughs uncontrollably and says

PAPA: You think I didn’t know this before I married you? Anyway that is not even the bone of contention right now. Rukevwe, hand me the result

RUKEVWE: Una sure sey I dey the right house? Wetin bring bone enter this matter again. I be like bingo for una eye?

Before he could say any other thing, papa drags the result sheet from his hand and I immediately start taking retreating steps towards my room. Papa opens the paper and says

PAPA: Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!

In my house, each time my father makes mention of the Heavenly Being, it means he is telling God to expect the person in question. I immediately quickened my pace towards my room.

RUKEVWE: Papa I dun first warn you before o. you go give yourself hypertension now.

PAPA: Rukevwe, the words that come out of an unexamined mouth does more harm than good. This result says Felicitations!!!!!!!!!!!!

RUKEVWE: Yes na, failures!!!!!! Based on multiple failures

PAPA: How does felicitations and failures sound alike?

RUKEVWE: As my eye just jam the “F”, I just know sey na failure. Wait, Ovie dun pass the exam?

Papa then notices my absence and shouts my name. I was locked up in my room.

PAPA: Nero, go and call your beloved and brilliant brother Ovie

NERO: Papa, you sure sey na the same Ovie wey I know you dey talk about?

PAPA: Will you disappear from here now and obey my instructions.

Nero rushes straight for my room. Jamming my locked door, we both engage in a conversation with the door as the main barrier between us.

NERO: Bros Ovie, papa dey call you.

ME: I am not coming.

NERO: Make I go yan papa sey you no dey come? Ahh bros, papa na Officer Roko oh, abi you dun forget?

ME: Nero, wait. See just tell him I am in the toilet.

NERO: Bros I no go fit oh. You must follow me. The way papa take talk the instructions, I no go fit disobey

ME: What did he say exactly?

NERO: Papa talk sey. ‘Nero, go and call your beloved and brilliant brother Ovie’.

ME: You sure sey na me papa dey talk about?

NERO: Bros na so I take shock like you oh because everybody for this our bunk know sey you no dey be beloved or brilliant.

ME: Craze dey worry you Nero

NERO: Bros abeg no vex oh but to lie no good.

ME: When did he say this exactly?

NERO: Na after him look your result oh

I didn’t need a priest to tell me anything. I immediately understood and opened the door, shoved Nero aside and rushed to the sitting room. Upon arriving there, I saw my parents with this bright smile and for a few seconds, I thought I was in a movie.

MAMA: Ovie my boy, my scholar pikin.

PAPA: Ovie, you are my great son. Right now, you are the greatest scholar. I always had faith in you. I always knew you would make it.

ME: Please I don’t understand papa

PAPA: Ovie or should I say barrister Ovie

MAMA: Yes o!!!!!!!!!!!! I dun turn mama barrister.

Mama starts dancing around

PAPA: Ovie, this paper says you have been admitted to study law in UNILAG.

My joy knew no bounds, I immediately forgot all the troubles and abuses I received that morning and shouted for joy.

RUKEVWE: Why una dey dance like this na. Na only 1 thing dem give Ovie, na 4 things the school knack gimme. So make I dey craze for road abi?

ME: Ruki, your bad belle fit purge person. See, make I just clear you now. The 2 no dey the same level

PAPA: Can you 2 just be happy for each other and let us celebrate.

RUKEVWE: If na so, make we just forget that N10,000 na

PAPA: Forget the money my people. This is the best news so far.

Rukevwe immediately joined in the dancing. Infact, he put on the radio and started dancing to the urhobo song coming from the radio. Within minutes, the entire room followed suit. Rukevwe started sweating so much that he picked up a piece of paper from the table to “blow” himself. Well, I only wish he didn’t do that. The song ended and he looked at the paper he was holding

RUKEVWE: Who dey go marry for this house? This na bride-price list abi

PAPA: I almost forgot. This is from Lilian’s father, Ovie’s responsibility.

Like a snail entering his shell, I immediately rushed back to my room.

PAPA: Ovie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come back here

Catch the next episode of this adventure next week Friday.

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